Max Popenker (mpopenker) wrote,
Max Popenker

для владеющих инглезом

достойный диалог

I'd just finished cleaning my .30-06 when the doorbell rang. Setting things aside, I got up and opened the door. Found a young lady standing there.

"Mr. Simoneaux?"


"I'm your neighbor from a few doors down. Our boys are friends with your son and he's asked if they could come play at your house."

"No problem there. Jason's our youngest and we've been through having kids over with our older two. Got the place almost to where we can hose it down after an afternoon of whatever the kids get up to."

"Well, that's good Mr. Simoneaux, but, you see, I'm a concerned parent..."

"Aren't we all. I was mostly concerned with staying sane while my two oldest went through their teens. Still not sure I made it and I still have Jason to go."

"Well there is that worry but, just now, I'm more concerned about guns."

"Good one to be concerned about."

"So, you're concerned about guns in the home too?"

"Absolutely. I've just about run out of space in the gun cabinet what with the rifles and shotguns we have for when we all go hunting together."

"No, what I mean is I'm concerned about guns in the home and I don't want my kids in danger."

"I'm with you there. You wouldn't believe how tough my wife and I are on that subject. Locks on the gun cabinet door. Safety chain running through the trigger guards to lock them into the cabinet. Ammunition locked in a small cabinet in the garage. My wife's Italian, you know. I'd be sleeping with the fishes if I weren't careful."

"So you keep guns in your house?"

"Yep. How do you store yours?"

"We don't have guns and that's why I wanted to talk with you."

"You want me to recommend a safety course? Be glad to and, I might say, you're doing the right thing. Getting the kids through a course beforehand is the only way to go. Sure wish more people thought like you."

"That's not it at all. I'm worried about where my boys play. And, with guns in a house, there could be..."

"An accident? Ma'am, I worry about that too. That's why all three of ours have been through safety and hunting courses and have shot until they've reached the point of not wanting to unless we're going hunting.
Then there's that wife of mine. She's laid down the law about ever touching a gun in this house unless one of us is around. Then there's all of those locks..."

"You're still not getting my point. I don't want my boys anywhere near danger."

"Me neither. Say, you don't leave loaded buckets around your house, do you?

"Loaded buckets?"

"Yeah, buckets full of water. Like when you're mopping and go off to do something else. I read about toddlers falling into them and drowning. When ours were younger, we were really careful about that. Wouldn't let
them play in any house where people left loaded buckets around unattended. You wouldn't believe the statistics on those things. But I can tell you'd never leave one out and Jason's pretty big. I'd have no worry whatsoever about him playing in your house."

"Mr. Simoneaux, you're still not getting my point about guns. I saw the sticker on your truck that says you're an NRA member."

"Is that what this is about? You want to join? Don't worry about not owning a gun. They have all sorts of safety courses that you and your kids can take beforehand. I think I even have some applications somewhere."

"That's not it. You have guns in the house and I don't want my kids..."

"To feel embarrassed? Ma'am, I've lectured my kids over and over on the Golden Rule. Believe me, if they ever tease someone who hasn't had all of the chances they've had to learn firearms safety, I'll take a switch to 'em."

"You're missing the point. I'm scared of guns and..."

"Scared of guns? Have you looked into professional help? Those shrinks can do amazing things nowadays for people who're scared of inanimate objects."


"Larry, who's that screaming?"

"It's our neighbor. She was asking about gun safety and just ran away."

"Is that gun cleaner I smell downstairs?"


"Are you cleaning that rifle on my new dining room table?"

"Don't worry. I put a lot of newspaper down and, besides, I left your tablecloth there in case I spilled anything and it got past the paper.


Good grief. Two screams in one day. Was it something I said?

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